I agree there's wisdom in not sleeping past noon; for the most part, it keeps your brain from getting fried. This morning I woke around 10-ish before falling asleep again and having this ridiculous dream that's well, so ridiculous I have to sit and write it down.

So there's this Company Event, right, that features the Big Lady Boss herself. It's massive and company-wide and it's in this theater. So yeah, I overhear somewhere that the Devil's going to gatecrash the thing with his Massive Evil Ritual. (Yes, if you're a fan, it's much like this one.) Naturally, I'm beside myself as to what to do. I overhear Satan trying to convert one of the janitors into his fold in some fire exit by making him swear allegiance. It's strange, and I didn't know what to do with the info.

So yeah, I panic. Crowd starts streaming in. And then some of these demon folks disguised as perfectly normal-looking human beings start coming in through side doors, and I just seem to know they're demon folk, but I can't let on that I know as much so I just tell them as politely as I could to fall in line, and they thankfully do; meanwhile, I try to ask around for security in the side entrances. (Somewhere along the way I run into Julie and assign her to one of the exits. Hi Ate you're fierce that way)

So the thing starts, and we close the doors, but there's more demon folk coming and we can't let them in because letting them in would allow the Devil to start his ritual and that's bad (though it isn't clear to me why it is bad). Some of the janitors try to smuggle them in through huge boxes. It's insane when they start breaking out of them, it's frightening.

(Andrea says I woke up somewhere, told her I was having "a frightening Buffy dream" and then I went back to sleep. I think it's at this point, because I remember being scared, and then being relieved I was awake, and then I remember thinking I wasn't about to leave that dream being scared, so I went back to sleep. Yeah, to continue it. Yeah, I can do that.)

Back in the dream, I call this guy, ask him where he is. Of course he says he's in England. He asks me where I am, I tell him I'm in the Philippines (God this dream is weird) of fucking course, and that Satan's about to do a Massive Evil Ritual.

him: Satan? As in which Satan?
me: Satan as in of the ENTIRE UNDERWORLD.

Then he says it's a pity he wasn't around, but that his kids would know what to do, having been trained and all. True enough, the gang was there, and Willow was preparing these small stones that apparently we could put against the foreheads of these demon folk to kill them, so YAY. Also there: Xander and Cordelia. Wow, this is such a dream.

So there are stones, yeah? I give one to Madam Lady Boss so she can protect herself (of course.) And then I run to Naomi to give her one of the stones (which was strange) and another to Effy, and I'm like, Why are these kids even ~here? Naomi was with another girl, and I apparently did not like her because I did not give her a stone (Read: Fend for yourself, bitch.) Andrea and I are still debating whether I was actually dreaming as Buffy or Emily Fitch.

So yeah, the entire time after is spent running after (take note, not from) these demon folks and hitting them on the forehead with the Magic Stones and well, killing them. They look like normal humans for the most part before turning a shade of red and being demons. It was strange and exciting and admittedly, quite empowering.

(Incidentally - Happy International Women's Day, you folks. Tomorrow, right?)

And then I woke up. We had pizza delivered for lunch and there's still some leftovers for dinner (YAY). I told Andrea all this and she's all very amused and she's the one who told me to sit and write it down before I forget all about it.

That said -- I'm still kind of disappointed nobody was in a cheerleading outfit. Or that there was no random song and dance number. Because really, Glee would have made my demon dream much, much more enjoyable.

What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Ah, here's an easy one. For our 25th monthsary in October I sent a bouquet of roses to Andrea; i was in cahoots with her officemates. I'd never sent her flowers before, and well. That went rather well. :) Also - hiked up a mountain in April! Pinatubo was AMAZING.

Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I've only been successful in keeping one New Year's resolution and I got it right after only so many years, in 2008, when I managed to keep myself off cigarettes. I have to renew that, since we're looking at a rather eventful year, so. Yeah let's do this! :)

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Oh college friends Jopai and Alloy had a lovely boy this year ♥

Did anyone close to you die?
This year's a year for deaths. Cory Aquino's death in August was rather important to me.

What countries did you visit?
Oh, stayed put for the most part, then went to some parts of RP when the weather was ok. Visited a few beaches, hiked up a few mountains, went to Iloilo, etc.

What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Oh man. TIME. I'd like to have more time to do everything! Energy's not a question, I'm pretty sure, but I'd really love to have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD - for the elections, for the Read-Along, for my family, for Andrea, for my friends - there's a lot to give, really.

What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 23, which was the date of Andrea's accident (oh god never scare me like that again, Universe); Sept 26, which is my brother's birthday and well, we all remember Ondoy; Nov 23, which is 1ce's birthday and unfortunately also the date of the Maguindanao massacre :(

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Keeping it together :)

What was your biggest failure?
I think to some degree I've been absent from family events like weddings; I have yet to master the gentle art of striking a good balance and pacing myself. Maybe 2010's that year.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Middle of the year I had a brief thing involving coughing and colds, but apart from that, none too many. I am thankful :)

What was the best thing you bought?
Oh this year was full of gadget purchases - there's Panda my pink netbook, this E71, and well, Andrea's latest gadget-present :)

Whose behavior merited celebration?
Oh, hands down, it's Andrea. :) This year has been pretty tough for her mostly -- there was the Accident in July that I have yet to write about and process myself, and a few other personal issues -- but really, I've never seen anyone get over adversity so positively and gracefully :) I love you, you inspire me ♥

Close runner-ups: Both my siblings, who graduated from elementary and college early this year, and are in the middle of important life changes :)

And as always, my team, with whom no task has been insurmountable. ♥

Whose behavior appalled you and made you depressed?
Oh, well there's that. People have their reasons to hold onto grudges; I don't have them. :)

Where did most of your money go?
FOOD. Haha. Well, there's the rent and FOOD. :)

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Skins and Glee. :)

What song/s will always remind you of 2009?
Oh my god, this. Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus and The Call by the Backstreet Boys (don't ask)

Compared to this time last year, are you:

a. Happier or sadder? Happier
b. Thinner or fatter? Fatter (hahahah is this a valid question)
c. Richer or poorer? Richer :)

What do you wish you'd done more of?
BEACHING. Haha. Partying. Reading and writing.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
LOL worrying. Dreaming of work. Also: Drinking.

How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent the eve with family, playing uno stacko and pusoy dos with my siblings while drinking red wine. Spent christmas day at work :)

Did you fall in love in 2009?
Oh, over and over, with the girl I always see first thing in the morning :)

What was your favorite TV program?
for TV, we have Katorse and Lipgloss. LOLLLLL, no, I loved Glee and Skins !!!

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Ah, no. Hate's a strong word, I love everyone in my life right now :)

What was the best book you read?
This year, definitely Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking :)

What was your greatest musical discovery?
PASSION PIT. OMG PASSION PIT. <3

What did you want and get?
Ahaha plenty :) New friends! New books! :)

What did you want and not get?
I can't think of anything. Life's been good.

Favorite film of this year?
Kimmy Dora, HANDS DOWN! :D (Yes, it trumps 500 days of Summer)

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Oh three days ago, I turned 25. Spent it with family, eating all day and taking lots of pictures. It was classic and awesome.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Oh, wow. I just wish we'd had less deaths, you know.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Flood-ready. Haha.

What kept you sane?
My girlfriend. My fabulous workmates. :) Twitter! Haha :)

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Oh jeez. I have the biggest crush on Lily Loveless, ngl.

What political issue stirred you the most?
The Maguindanao massacre. The series of calamities. Ladlad getting disqualified in the elections. The run-up to the May 2010 elections.

Who did you miss?
Oh, as always, mom.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Love what you do and do what you love. The rest would come easy. :)

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Nodding my head like yeaaaaaah, moving my hips like yeaaaaahhhh ♥

The most touching experience you've had this year?
We did a Read-Along at the Philippine School for the Deaf in Pasay and they prayed by singing Lead me Lord in sign language. Sight had me in tears.

What did you like most about yourself this year?
My endurance and flexibility.

What did you hate most about yourself this year?
My inability to pace myself properly LOL

Was 2009 a good year for you?
At the end of everything - yes, it was. :)

Oh 2009 was such a year, wasn't it?

So. It's officially the last day of the 0-something years; let's do this yearender thing, shall we:

Jan 2009
Watched: Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
Bought: Panda (A pink Acer Aspire One, my first real possession, after my cellphone)

February 2009
Watched: Lipgloss -- 18:56 POTA TINAKONG! best lipgloss moment everrr See also: Summary of Lipgloss Season 2 ender, in twitter.
Watched: You Changed My Life (John Lloyd/Sarah G!)

March 2009
Lost: Francis Magalona, 44; USB drive, 2 years old.
Went to: Crystal Beach in Zambales.
Saw/Flailed over: Bleighton Rolling Stone photoshoot
Feature family-related significant milestone: Wy's elementary grad
Feature media obsessions: Tegan and Sara (The Con! Nineteen!), Azure Ray (Sleep! Displaced!)
Read: Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking
Wrote: A season of formers, which took all of six months, sans editing.

April 2009
Went to: Pinatubo, Bataan tryst for holy week, Laiya with le familia and Andrea
Things I discovered in 2009 that I'd love to have more of in 2010: Skins!
On the news: Failon wife shooting
Survived also: Andrea's Thailand trip
Feature family-related significant milestone: Krista's university grad
Feature media obsession: Rachael Yamagata, Elephants... Teeth Sinking into Heart (OMFG HEARTBREAKING.)
Wrote: Footnotes to a Mixtape, which is set in an all-girls high school basketball team and is actually to Barbie's music from the buffet table (Belinda Bye-bye, Shiny Red Balloon, etc); Displaced, which reeks of failed stalkery.

May 2009
Went to: My father's hometown, Iloilo, Manila Ocean Park
Feature media obsessions: Bloc Party (Signs, Sunday, This Modern Love), Broken Social Scene (Superconnected, Anthems for a 17-year-old girl, I'm still your fag), Lady Gaga (I wanna take a ride on your disco stick haha), Katy Perry (Thinking of you ♥)
Watched: 30 rock
Classic sabaw moments: Maggi MySabaw, Literal version of Total Eclipse of the heart

June 2009
Read: Joshua Ferris' Then we came to the end, Letters to a Young Poet by Rilke
Feature family-related significant milestone: End of lease, maginhawa apartment, Wy moving out of the house and into the Pisay dorm
Feature sabaw moment: Getting stuck in a tricycle in shopwise amidst a downpour
News: AH1N1, ANC Leadership Forum
Watched: Hole in the Wall (TV), Pineapple Express, Tropic Thunder
Feature media obsessions: Third Eye Blind (The Background, Blinded, God of Wine), Passion Pit (Sleepyhead, Eyes as candles, Little secrets), Sexmusic.tumblr, a moment with Lily Loveless on Twitter - the zenith of my fangirling, this skins gif:


Lost: Michael Jackson, RIP.
Feature event: k1 reunion

July 2009
Feature media obsession: Counting Crows (the entire August and Everything After album = HEARTBREAK), Explosions in the Sky, Au Revoir Borealis
News: SONA 2009
Significant milestone: Epic move to Ate Adelle's room
Things I learned so much from but would rather not go through again in 2010: Andrea's accident (never again EVER)
Watched: Harry Potter 6
Lost: Tara Santelices

August 2009
Lost: Former President Corazon Aquino, RIP
Feature media obsession: Anberlin (Breathe, Retrace, Breaking -- off their "New Surrender" album), the paper raincoat (Brooklyn Blurs! ♥), something corporate (konstantine)

September 2009
News: Palanca Awards -- LOL ELIZA ♥
Blast from the past: High school reunion
Feature milestone: 24 months/2nd anniversary ♥ ♥ ♥
Watched: Kimmy Dora (HANDS DOWN THE FUNNIEST MOVIE THIS YEAR), Temptation Island, 500 days of Summer (which I liked)
Things I learned so much from but would rather not go through again in 2010: Ondoy
Things I discovered in 2009 that I'd love to have more of in 2010: Glee!

October 2009
Lost sleep over: PLANTS VS ZOMBIES; see also: Maps of dams.
Watched: Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog, Techyromantics
Read: Blue Bloods, End of the Alphabet
Plotted: The Surprise.
Wrote: Mnemonics (Arguably the best thing I came up with this year.)
Feature media obsession: Mazzy Star (Fade into You)
Significant milestones: Haircut, Comelec registration, Andrea winning the Gig book contest - ♥

November 2009
Lost: 57 people in the Maguindanao massacre
Feature media obsession: Party in the USA, Kings of Convenience (Gold in the Air of Summer)
A rare moment of sentimentality: The Art of Precarious Photographs
Bought: A red Nokia E71.
Read: Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird, Erica Jong's Seducing the Demon, Joan Didion's Slouching Towards Bethlehem.
Watched: KATY PERRY LIVE OMFG. ♥

December 2009
Bought: A present . ♥
Partied: Inquirer's anniversary party on the 9th; editorial party on the 22nd.
Feature media obsessions: Augustana (rediscovering Boston off their All the Stars and Boulevards album - ♥), Something Corporate (She paints me Blue off their "North" album makes me feel like a giddy 17-year-old boy with a crush, ffs), John Mayer (Edge of Desire off the "Battle Studies" album - JFC HOT), Paolo Nutini (Rewind, off the These Streets album), Sara Bareilles' Gravity remix in her Careful Confessions album; Jack's Mannequin (What Gets you Off in their Glass Passenger album - JFC HOT), and that piano version of Sleepyhead by Passion Pit *swoon*
Significant events: Christmas, New Year with the family ♥ turning 25.

Well, that was strangely cathartic, and I know I missed a LOT of things, heh, pardon my memory. We're gearing up for a big 2010 - be safe guys! Happy New Year! :)

ETA:
THE MASHUP TO END ALL MASHUPS, 2009:

I am reading Anne Lamott's "Bird by Bird", as generously loaned to us by Kat during last night's Amazing Book Swap with Eliza and at 6750 Starbucks. Whew. That was a fun time, gals. Should do it again. I love listening to girls gush about books - although I have to admit I'm a ridiculously slow reader and this really does fill me with much shame. I am still in the middle of A.M. Homes' "Music for Torching" because I've been finding it quite difficult to read about the couple at the center of things, and yet I am completely in love with her language. Just saying.

*

Incidentally, today is also my mother's 12th year death anniversary. Which is important to me because this marks a sort of border. I was twelve when she died. Next year, I will have spent more years without her than with her. All daughters must remember these sorts of things.

Anyway. Last night my sister texted to inform me that there's a small get-together in the house today with food and all. I won't be there for the nth time. Every year I sit down to do something like a memorial post of sorts for Mom on this day I always start by asking myself, Where the F was I last year?

So I'm doing myself a favor, though this won't be evident until this day next year: Today I am reading another book about writing. This morning I woke to the sound of the girl I'm totally in love with fixing her breakfast. I am looking forward to getting to the office and working with people I like. I just realized I play Plants vs Zombies because it makes me feel like a child -- unlike banks and billing statements and meetings, which make me feel old/my age (and which I do a lot of also).

And I really really like pandas.

Anyway, that being said, I hope everyone's having a swell Thursday. ♥

i. The case for not taking photographs: They are always there

Here, one sees: Two definitely drunk girls, faces beside each other, so close their cheeks nearly touch. I remember when this was taken: On the very first night we went out, the one where we end up closing the establishment at 4 a.m., with too much alcohol in our veins and nicotine in our lungs. In another, one sees: A lukewarm can of beer half buried in the sand. In another: Someone sprawled by the beach, mid-afternoon sun painful on skin. In another: The careless laugh of someone looking the other way. In another: Someone passing between the camera and the subject by accident, mouth formed in the middle of the word “Oops.” In another: The silhouette of a boy lighting a cigarette.

Here, one sees: The smile of someone on the receiving end of a surprise. Over here: The eagerness of a hungry diner, seconds before the utensils touch the plate. There: The soft color of flowers reflected upon the face of a lover. Over here: The closed eyes of someone intently listening to music. There: The split-second before fingertips touch. Here: That moment before waking.

The thing about photographs is that they are always there; they care little about notions of pasts and presents. They’re just there to say, once upon a time, this was here – people wore these clothes, these horrible haircuts and pants and shoes; people used to be this small and thin; people still felt this way, thought this way – were this way.

That people change is not my problem, neither is the fact that certain changes cause certain sorts of photographs to cease production; though it cannot be helped at all, how it’s always the permanent snapshots of things now gone that get me, always (See also: An ID photo of my mother, 12 years younger, had she been aging all that while).

Photographs do little for efforts toward forgetting, but then again, why would anyone in the midst of such efforts even stray into these albums? When they say it’s by accident, the cardinal rule is to not believe anything they say and hit them hard.

ii. The case for not taking photographs: Because sometimes, the memory of it is enough.

Because I have long resigned myself that it will never come again. That sometimes there is no take two. That sometimes when something is over, it just is.

iii. The case for not taking photographs: Because sometimes, it is better to not leave any trace of it.

Because perhaps all of it should stay between you and me. Perhaps secrets are better kept in the absence of evidence. Perhaps the Polaroid of you in my head is the best I’ll ever have.

*

iv. The case for taking photographs: They are always there

How many times have I heard people say: It was windy when we met and I fell in love with a snapshot of you and your windswept hair across your face, the dainty fibers casting all those pretty shadows. I have kept that picture all these years, in a secret pocket of my wallet; or, My screensaver is that blurry shot of you dancing, the other night.

Or: You and me, we look good together against a backdrop of itchy-ticklish bermuda. Or: I take a photograph of you every day, while you’re sleeping. Or: I know I don’t live here anymore when you always take your camera out on weekends I come to visit; I have a special smile for these rare photographs you take.

Unless it’s the sort of thing you do for a living, photograph people in horrible situations (and even then, unless it’s your sort of thing to hang them around the house for constant viewing), chances are when you look at people in photographs they are smiling; to a degree, it’s comforting, this way. If it’s the last thing I’ll take of you, I’d rather you be happy. (If it’s the last thing of us together.)

v. The case for taking photographs: Because sometimes, I can’t have enough of you.

Because on some nights I stay up and think about this particular smile; on other nights, that particular gesture. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, it’s not dark I see but you, and it is nice, this permanent Polaroid behind my eyelids.

vi. The case for taking photographs: Because sometimes, it’s all there is.

Sometimes, wherever I look, there you are, and oftentimes, I can hardly breathe.

*

vii. The art of precarious photographs

Sometimes I wish I (never) took photographs of us (in the first place).
Sometimes I wish I was (not) around for photographs (in the first place).

*

I take photos of you half to capture that moment, half to be able to relive it at will: The sight of you standing on top of an air vent or biting into a chicken enthusiastically or covering your face as you laugh; you against a backdrop of feathery clouds and bright blue skies. We move so fast and sometimes there are moments we miss, moments that go by so quickly we barely have time for process, moments we want to have lasted a few moments longer.

(You’re always the moment I want to last forever.)

it's all been said before:
girl stumbles upon girl's journal; girl stalks girl;
girl finds common friends; girl tries to get closer; girl asks girl out to group dates;
girl asks for girl's cell phone number; girl texts girl every single day,
keeps up with the randomicity,
wakes up early to catch girl's texts as she walks out of their house in the morning on her way to work, something about the blueness of the sky, or the sound of birds;
texts every 4 p.m. to remind girl to breathe; (every 4 p.m. - it takes only so many days to form a habit)
texts every night to ask about girl's day;
keeps up with girl's journal; tries not to overanalyze.

supposing, it's all been said before:
how girl falls in love with girl--
it's the slightest gestures,
the off-topic questions,
the sparkly flashes that make their way between the words.

it's all been said before, how we got here, but i guess it's always worth re-telling:
one night, i started writing love letters again, after a long time.
you were a moment's message away, but the distance was there, more than ever before; it was august. at the time i had no idea how close i was to breaking.
(i should have known, actually, granted i was writing letters again at the back of marlboro labels; that night there were ashes on the floor from one too many fags)

it's no secret, how four years prior to that day, septembers had been particularly filled with a sort of dread. (i wouldn't call them mistakes; just that i remember them pretty well.)
the night before the morning after, i slipped
into bed alongside you, holding your hand under the sheets, trying to watch tv.

supposing it can be said then,
that the rest of it's history, well, let me put it this way, instead:
the day after and the days after that are more than i could ever have hoped for
to contain within a heart this small.

i guess in the end that's all i really want to say.

that was perhaps one of my longer weekends with the parentals and the siblings. by the grace of my boss's leave-granting powers (hehe) i found myself with four straight days off from work, which began on friday and ended yesterday. and yes, were those four jampacked days or what.

destination: iloilo

we left manila onboard a philippine airlines (PAL) flight that left around 4:30 on friday and arrived around an hour later in iloilo's new airport.

i've never really been to iloilo via plane in recent memory, much less ride planes and be in airports that often; in fact, the last time i was in iloilo was four years ago and we took the pick-up truck all the way from cavite to guimaras via the nautical highway (read: ro-ro). and i think that was the year i also last used an airport haha (in a flight to cebu and from tacloban). go figure, that was the year i also graduated, and let's just say it was one of those blissful (unemployed) in-betweens. hahaha.

so imagine my glee to find the airport relatively not congested and those trolleys really nifty. haha. and also, a(h1n1) what? i expected more people to don masks, and yet there were none. i also looked for a thermal scanner btw... also none. but i guess depende sa airport? anyway i think that was the centennial airport. i was lugging along my all-purpose backpack that contained this laptop and it was effin heavy, btw.

note: the airport has free wifi for 30 minutes. other than that, you have to load something. and oh, i saw CHR chair leila de lima, i think she was boarding a plane to cagayan de oro. and at the risk of inappropriateness, she was *hot*.

anyway (clears throat)

auntie had a reservation in a small inn in downtown iloilo called city corporate inn. the place was nice and clean, nothing too fancy, though it had tv and hot water (a must if you're traveling with my dad) and there's wifi in the lobby, which the siblings took advantage of to keep their mafia wars activities in check even during the vacation (DORKY I KNOW).

we had difficulty finding something that was still open for dinner at past 8; it was a friday night and yet the streets were unbelievably empty (i'd find out why the following night). anyway we settled for jollibee -- oo nagpunta ng iloilo para mag-jollibee hahahah.

we checked out the following morning to have breakfast in nearby mang inasal (oo nag-iloilo din para mag-mang inasal HAHAHA) and then headed off to delgado st. where my auntie digay, my dad's cousin, lives. (a wifi hotspot too, since her husband uncle nonong is practically the tech-savviest person i know hahaha) and they have CATS! TWO OF THEM! hihi.

then hied off by cousins to walk through downtown. at 2 effin pm hahahah oh sun i missed you! have i mentioned how the weather was lovely and how it was so unexpected since originally we were expecting the weekend to be rather rainy? anyway, thanks universe!

so the cousins and us siblings with auntie headed to the provincial capitol by foot, then entered museo iloilo.





and then we rode public transport to gaisano to have (drumroll) la paz batchoy in, well, la paz. HAHAHAHA we are such cliches.



which was, really, awesome. Deco's = awesome. and if the photos are awesome too, it's because they were taken by kuya arnel, ate tintin's husband. his cam is awesome and so is he heheheh :)

anyway.

we checked into nearby Four Seasons hotel right behind their house on Delgado for the night. a bit more flourish here, if i may say, with really heavy curtains and fluffy colourful comforter and a nice spacious bathroom which sadly did not have hot water come morning BOOOOO i swear it was 5 a.m. and auntie was furious AND freezing.

but before that, that night, while i was taking advantage of the awesome wifi at the Deco's branch at the ground floor of the hotel (i think i saw more Deco's branches than jollibee and mcdo combined), we received word that the espanolas were coming right over in full force to take us out on a "night out" - wy included. hahaha.

we headed to a place they called "Smallville", which really reminded me of Eastwood, even larger than, i think. and i was like, So this is why the streets are empty at night - everybody's here! :) we had coffee and cakes at Coffee Break, which is cheaper than Starbucks by a mile, which does make it more awesome. actually, i didn't see starbucks anywhere, and needless to say, i did not really miss it with coffee break around hehehe.

this one was on ate lala (espanola, the same one behind the calayan rail? awesome birdwatcher, the girl is) and the conversation = awesome. just how much? to wit: there's that's entertainment talk c/o ate tintin, short wave talk c/o ate lala, scorpio nights 2 interviews c/o indaycel, whose brand new hubby kuya ronnie looks like yul servo but more gwapo, and banats from ninya and kuya pabs and everyone else. nyahahaha. oh wylo's poor innocent twelve-year-old ears. (scanning database hahaha)

anyway, we turned ourselves in at past 11, anticipating a loooong day ahead - and it was a REALLY long day, mingling with about a hundred people who share, at one point or another, a surname. seriously.

to wit:



i'm telling you, that really old man in the foreground is 97 years old. in three years, we're having a centennial and it would be AWESOME. anyway.

for more camwhorage, see:




we headed to auntie gingging and uncle cyrus in tigbauan that night, 19 people in four families aboard a rented jeep, and everybody went for a swim in a nearby beach while we got lost hahahah anyway. le fam and i spent the night at le mer mar (i have no idea how to spell this) and we went for a swim very early the following morning. as in 6 a.m. early hahaha compliments of my father, who all woke us up at 5:30. the sun was gorgeous and the water was so still. we were planning to go to guimaras, but then, collective tanders-ing commenced and we stayed put instead.

our flight back to manila was due at 8 pm and so we headed out to iloilo city early from tigbauan, detouring for a bit to uncle glenn's for dinner before going to the airport. when we got there, we were informed by a PAL official that the flight we had booked had been rescheduled to two hours earlier and that they had sent an email last April 15 to inform us about it.

wtf.

you don't go changing people's itineraries via email, for crying out loud.

we explained that it must have been a mistake, that it was our manila-iloilo flight on friday that had been rescheduled to two hours earlier - someone called home on May 7 to tell us that our manila to iloilo flight the following day had been rescheduled from 6 pm to 4 pm. it was krista who got that phone call. curiously, the person from PAL also told her to check dad's email because they had sent word re: resched of manila-iloilo flight.

the email never came. so good thing then that someone had bothered to call, right?

so anyway, out of prudence, auntie had checked and double checked for a possible resked of the return flight as well - this was a day before the flight out of manila, four days before the flight out of iloilo and MORE THAN 20 DAYS AFTER THEY HAD REPORTEDLY SENT THE EMAIL NOTICE. so yeah no info provided, everything was in its right course, ho-yay yada-yada...

up until that moment we were supposed to check in the luggage, which was when they told us, "Ah, we sent an email. Didn't you get it?"

HELLO. I SENT AN EMAIL DIDN'T YOU GET IT. that's professional and efficient.

but yeah, all things taken into consideration, the PAL guys found us five seats on the 8 pm flight, which was the last flight out of iloilo, btw. we sat in separate seats, but it was okay. thank universe for small mercies.

so anyway i'm back in one piece and returning to the real world in 3...2...

(scouring for more photos in a bit.)

or, alternatively, bataan tryst 2009

for a while there, i thought this trip would not happen at all, but after several last minute arrangements, from reservations for the trip to recruitment of participants to surfing sulit.com for van rentals, we got there anyway. it was Maundy Thursday.

so now, presenting...


hahaha. actually, this picture lacks two beachineers, but i couldn't resist putting the title on the sand space. it was begging for it! hahaha. the beach we headed to was bataan white corals in morong (P300/head entrance fee, cabana for 10 @ P1,500), but this photo was shot on the opposite shore.

after much haggling, the final number of beachineers reached 10 on d-day, and we left makati at 5 a.m. holiday traffic doubled our estimated travel time, so we reached the resort around 11:30 a.m. the sun was already high, we were already starving, and sorry to say their restaurant service was a disappointment, but no matter. we wanted to get sunburnt so we hit the water as soon as possible, appendicitis be damned.

we rented a banca (P100/head) to get to the opposite shore. it was supposedly better for beaching, since the shore we left was full of jellyfish, but after a bit we started feeling stings anyway. ah, jellyfish, what to do with you. anyway, when the water starts stinging, you know what to do:


jumping shots, of course. (props to fran k for this one) hehehe. actually, i am in this picture - i'm the left-most one, and yes, i didn't know i could jump this high before this shot, either.




pardon the ridiculous camwhorage, minsan lang naman, wag nang pumalag, oki?


(really, this photo's filename is "woohoo-nakuha-sa-anggulo.jpg")

that trip to the other shore had time limit, sadly, so we had to head back to the resort after an hour. tumambay na lang at dumalife sa kanilang seawater pool. and yes, the water was salty. very.



and then somebody suggested beers by the seawater, and so i said, what the hell, why not?


and then the sun started its descent, hence the golden hour when everything the sun falls on just looks golden:



i know they look exactly the same, but then again, minsan lang, pagbigyan na please.


we left the resort after sunset, after wrestling with their clogged communal shower and then we trooped to SBMA to have dinner. we were hoping for Gerry's but then it was full and the waitlist had at least 14 sets of people ahead of us. so we went somewhere else, and their service was thankfully quick.

we reached makati around midnight. all in all, everybody pitched in P1,000 each for the resort, the van (P4,500 with gas), the toll fees and the driver's food. not bad, eh? anyway, that certainly deserves a repeat. so ano guys, next week ulit? hehe.

endnote. some photos taken by drea. postcrossprocessing mine. drea's attempts (as seen on facebook) do look better. ahehehe.

or, alternatively, of course the title of this post deserves an exclamation point

My legs still feel like lead today and there’s a healing gash on my left knee to remind me of where I was on Sunday.


Believe what everybody else is saying - the Pinatubo crater *is* breathtaking – on both the literal and literary senses, but clearly, this is getting ahead of myself. This photo was taken at around half-past 7 in the morning of Sunday, and that morning started five hours earlier, at 2:30 a.m., which was the time we left Parañaque for Pinatubo.

Being a novice trekker, I was quite nervous of the whole climb-thing, what with rumors that some people trekked for THREE HOURS to get to the crater. Add this to the fact that I am naturally afraid of heights, I figured the worst that could happen is that the guide would have to carry me through half the trip. Oh dear.

We got to the starting point Pinatubo Spa Town around 5:30 a.m., proving how Ate Maricar’s driving and direction skills could never really be underestimated. But if you think that’s early, consider that when we got there a van full of people had already arrived there first.

We boarded a 4x4 jeep around 6 a.m. We paid the package price of P1,250/head, which included the jeep, the guide and shower time after. We had water, we had trail food (oh Growers Nutribar, why had I met you only now?), we had cameras (easy-to-carry digicam ones, I think, would be far more practical than the bulky DSLRs). I wore my worn Mojos with socks – yes I knew they were bound to get wet in the several streams along the way, but if you’re pretty prone to injuring yourself on rough surfaces (more on this later), you’d be better off with covered feet.

Anyway, the 4x4 ride took about an hour. I think it was really supposed to take an hour and a half, but boy did our driver really cut half an hour from that trip with those mad driving skillz hahaha.


Anyway, when they said the hiking trail would be full of rocks, they weren’t joking. As previously mentioned, I was a novice hiker, and when I looked at the trail, I was like, if I were to walk for three hours in this I would *die*. Or have to be carried for half the trip. Whichever comes first.

But then, it turns out the hike would only take about 20 to 30 minutes. Apparently, they had shortened it for the summer, since this path we took, aptly named Skyway for the speed with which you could course through it, was accessible due to the nice weather. A good thing, generally.


Because if it were any more traumatic I’d swear I’d never go back EVER, but then, it wasn’t so bad, so really, I’d do it again. =) Anyway, this was what greeted us when we got there:


Movie-scenic, I thought. Like something snatched out of Lord of the Rings or something. Thanks to the Ates for dragging us along:



Sulit na sulit ang pagod. Actually, the hike through the rocks, negotiating with the streams was easier than getting through the steep stairs. Oh god, the steep stairs were what got me, really. Laglag talaga ang baga ko, damang-dama ko ang bigat ko, etc.

Anyway, happier times on the way down to the crater: (this flight of steep stairs would be such a bitch later, when it was time to climb it on the way home)


Pagkababa dun, sa sobrang ganda parang tinatawag ka na ni Lord: (haha)



Eto mga kasama ko, unaware:


And of course, we swam:



(Me: Nay bakit me bubbles?
Naychona: Nak, kasi bulkan ata yung ilalim eh.)

We were first on the crater, and we left when people started pouring in like crazy. The shore was pretty short, and things were bound to get pretty crowded so we decided it was time to hike back to square one.



As I’ve said the hike back up the steep stairs earlier was such a bitch; we had to stop three times along the way to catch our breaths. (Actually, kami lang pala ni Ate Chona. Go figure) While I was busy fixing my lungs, Andrea was busy taking splendid pictures:



Sabi ko nga, parang Lord of the Rings lang.

On the way back, my knees were already relatively weaker than when we began hiking that morning, and during one of them moments of weakness I accidentally brushed my left knee forcefully against one the bigger rocks. Hence, a gash. Which hurt, really. Hehe. Parang bata lang eh, umuuwing may galos. Napansin na nga ng mga nakasalubong naming hikers who were only on their way up at 10 a.m. (ang init na nito, we could only imagine) na my knee was bleeding. But no matter.


Anyway, ito pala yung sinakyan naming 4x4 with kuya and our guide:


Sa pagod, we actually managed to doze off in the 4x4 kahit super tagtag. Haha. Ako nagigising pag nauuntog so I figured, to hell with trying to sleep. By this time I was already hungry anyway so I thought of that instead.

I’d like to note here that the shower facility at the Spa was pleasantly surprising. The fee for the shower, turns out, includes locker use and use of other stuff like plastic bags (simple but really convenient), alcohol and swabs (for wounds like mine), soaps and fresh towels. Plus points talaga na hindi nabasa yung towel na dinala namin from home.

Anyway, we ate at SM City Clark because it was convenient and we were starving. I think it was only a little past noontime, and we were not really too keen on going home and so we headed to:


Oo me ganito pa, panalo!


The place was pretty much still under construction, and the entrance fee was in the form of a “donation” (to be determined by visitors, of course).

Wala pang chocolate hills, etc. pero meron nang Rice Terraces. Meron ding mga huge rock formations tulad nito:


They bullied me into climbing. It was really scary. Hahaha. Panalo me band-aid eh. We left and visited Ate Maricar’s relatives. Kapampangans are really awesome cooks, btw. Thank you thank you!

We arrived back in Casa at midnight, after having crepes for late night dessert at Rockwell and buying the latest Maxim issue at 7-11. Ho-hum. Hahaha. Talagang in passing lang eh.

It was a long day, tiring but we’d do it again in a heartbeat!

Summary of expenses: P2,5k all-in with transpo, gas, toll, food, etc. But only because we had the best financial managers ever. =)

very early this morning, andrea woke with a start. long story short, the standfan had stopped working. le sigh, it was barely two years old; i dismantled it this morning using my father's trusty screw driver. awa ng diyos, nagkasya pa rin sa loob ng kahon from which we took it out when i first moved here. signos ba ito ng darating na pagbabago universe, hahaha.

anyway, i think my sister is a considerable percentage closer to graduating this april. hahaha. she had me proofread her acknowledgement page - my favorite part of the thesis, truth be told. bilang namems ako sa sarili kong thesis days (looking back, ngayon ko lang ata fully na-appreciate yung words na "for binding". ano ba yun.) e inungkat ko ang final manuscript ng thesis namin ni julie na na-save ko sa isang CD somewhere. wala lang. dapat talaga pinag-iisipan kung sinu-sino yung nilalagay dun e. haha joke lang.

anyway again, the other day i tried to write something. it's always a struggle lately, and this one i had to wrestle out of myself early in the morning. i just find it frustrating how i could start staring at the computer screen at 8:30 in the morning and only start typing around 11. damn.

and guys, guys - have you heard of schuyler fisk? because she's amazing. ktnxbye.

I’m nearing the end of Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking, which is an account of her husband’s death and the process of coping that came later. Didion wrote it with startling clarity and honesty and reading it feels like she’s picking on a few of my stitches and prying them open.

In keeping with the theme, I rummaged through one of our cabinets and unearthed my earliest account of my mother’s death. I had brought it here after I moved out from QC to Makati, perhaps thinking it was time I had re-read it. It was handwritten, dated Dec. 20, 1997 and severely stapled on the edges. It had an extra blank page that I must have used in lieu of an envelope. I must have written it while on Christmas vacation during my first year in high school, and then, re-reading it upon finishing, I must have gotten scared my parents would clean my room and chance upon it so I stapled it up, thinking it would be safer that way.

That Christmas was horrible and we wanted to do everything we could to not remind each other of the tragedy; this four-page journal entry, if discovered, wouldn’t have done any good to any of us. I must have had this thought when I tore the pages from my spiral notebook journal and stapled them close, taping the “package” with clear tape against the inside of the back cover.

As a 12-year-old, I seemed to have had a lot of foresight. (This despite the fact that I kept on repeating in that note about how I did not see it coming, did not see my mother’s death coming so quickly.)

Looking back, the whole attempt (of stapling and taping the bulky thing) wasn’t at all inconspicuous, but seeing its preserved, untampered state about a decade later, I guess dad and auntie hadn’t strayed into this journal, or into any of my journals, for that matter.

It had a lot of the details that I had been repeating, time and again, whenever I came to writing about mom, usually during her death anniversary in November, birth anniversary in January or around Mothers’ Day in May. Sometimes I worry if I am too repetitive, but then again, I figure, this was a way of keeping her memories alive, for when I am older and when that time comes that I would be too far away from that day. I guess, I’ll never tire of writing about her, basically because I feel like I owe it to her to remember, always.

But then, it was also quite striking how my younger eyes had in fact taken note of some other things that I must have edited out of my later remembrances. Like how I had in fact written that I should have taken the fact that I had left my wallet and lunch money at home that morning as a sort of omen. I had written about how we had come home from school that day: I cut class half-day, Auntie came to get me and Krista with her shades on; I was called to go to the Prefect’s Office via the PA system, something that just doesn’t happen at all since I wasn’t the kind of girl often called into the principal’s office to begin with, or at least, not at the time.

At the time, there was no text messaging; I had called home via payphone, asking Auntie to look for my wallet and bring it when she attends Krista’s math contest that morning. That should be in time for recess, I said. I was on my way back from the contest venue, which was already empty when I got there and everyone I ran into all told me the same thing: I was being called into the Prefect’s Office. The fact was that I didn’t hear myself being called. I could only imagine how more harrowing things would have been, had I not fled the lounge, had I heard my own name myself. Maybe it was meant to be that way.

I wrote about how when we got home, we found that the living room had been re-arranged. I was amused to see how my 12-year-old self had written, “There was a plain white curtain hung by the wall.” Two reasons: One, I had completely forgotten this fact. Two, while there were many cringe-worthy, ill-constructed sentences and fragments in the whole thing, this one seemed to stand out. I wanted to take my 12-year-old self aside. I would have told her, Nice sentence kid. Now, if only you would remove all these annoying ellipses.

I should have saved that paper I had written my mother’s eulogy on – yes, I delivered my mother’s eulogy in that last Necro before the burial. But then, it wouldn’t have survived my sweaty palms. All that’s left of it is the first line, which I remember until today. I had started with, “When I came to know about my mother’s death.”

* * *

By way of ending, I had written, inexplicably within quotation marks, about how death was both a sad and joyous thing, depending on where you’re coming from. There was no attribution, so I think that I must have used the quotation marks more as aesthetic devices than practical ones. In the succeeding, “non-quoted” paragraph, I talked about perspective briefly, a sort of analysis of what the whole ordeal has taught me. I had written it the way students usually ended their essays – “Through this experience, I developed a better perspective about death.”

Have I, really, at that moment, so quickly “developed a better perspective?” At 12, I must have been faring well with b’s-ing my way through school papers with this kind of language. Thinking about it, this thought really made me smile.

Incidentally, by way of going back to Didion, the page I am on is Page 192:

“People in grief think a great deal about self-pity. We worry it, dread it, scourge our thinking for signs of it. We fear that our actions will reveal the condition tellingly described as ‘dwelling on it.’ We understand the aversion most of us have to ‘dwelling on it.’ Visible mourning reminds us of death, which is construed as unnatural, a failure to manage the situation. ‘A single person is missing for you, and the whole world is empty,’ Philippe Aries wrote to the point of this aversion in Western Attitudes toward Death. ‘But one no longer has the right to say so aloud.’”

If I were to try to write down everything that strikes me so closely about this book, I think I would end up quoting pages of passages. But I’m not ruling that effort out entirely.

found this in one of my sister's more recent photo albums. last month a couple of months ago, we marked my mother's birth anniversary. she would've been 50. i'm not sure who took this photo, but this is by far the most final photo i've ever seen of my mother's tombstone. sorry i wasn't there mom. you know how it is. of course, you do.

*

anyway it feels like ages since i last wrote wrote something. i still attribute it to the lack of nicotine. jesus, a year hence and still that part of my brain is still not working on its own. kinda scary, if you think about it. what exactly have i done to myself. tsk.

so yeah, a couple of nights ago i finished something that had been sitting in my hard drive for the last six months. that night, the ending came to me, and i was like, Of course, how else could it have ended? indeed. how else.