times like these, i wish i could:
- revert to stress tabs.
- or both.
as you may have already figured out by now, i have a very addictive personality. that is, i seem to always have to have something to be addicted to, in, with — just something. (and you know it’s not prepositions.)
it’s just that… it’s too tiring to have to get through stressful days without nicotine. or rice. or nicotine AND rice. but mostly just nicotine. sometimes really i just don’t get it. the last time things were horrible, like, hair-tearing horrible, like, where is the rest of my time-horrible, it definitely wasn’t within the past five months. therefore, the smoking was still there.
but i’ve taken myself through 134 days. hay. i admit, having quit smoking thus far has somewhat boosted my confidence — of the “i can quit smoking = i can do anything!”-variety.
but sometimes you feel like you just have to hit someone, i guess. or kick something really hard. or run until something starts hurting. just something.
i feel like i haven’t been doing anything else other than work these days. it’s not like i don’t have time for myself - wait, scratch that, because can you actually count sleeping and staring into space whenever i’m not as work as ‘time for myself’? this is just not me. i can’t even write anymore. the thing is, i live two blocks away. if you’re going to say something like it’s impossible that i don’t have time, i’d say the same thing — this is utterly impossible.
but the thing is this - it’s 10 p.m., an hour past my usual off, and i’d just finished half of what i’m supposed to do for SIM. i’m off my game, i’m taking too long. and i am actually worried i’d have to be here for monday’s SONA. i miss futsal. and my good eyesight. and having time to write fiction.
i miss going home late — but not because of work. i miss beer until morning and my wayward ways, to a degree. hah. videoke na nga lang.