Archive for the 'random' Category

i wish i had more time

Friday, November 14th, 2008

to do everything and finish on time. really.


i owe my mother a decent memorial post. it was her 11th death anniversary on wednesday. busy, busy. my mother would be proud.

proof of my rather tense existence, other than the fact that this space has been untouched for roughly a month, are my coherent dreams. the other night, i dreamt of a WORD.

exism. n. prejudice on basis of previous romantic connections already severed.

wtf. busy, busy, my head. even when asleep.

anyway, it’s like effin antarctica up here, i have three jackets on.

i am now 12,000 words BEHIND on my nanowrimo attempt for the year.

the good news is that i’ve added one book to my now-finished list and that’s vonnegut’s cat’s cradle. finally.

sometimes i wonder how people like conchitina cruz come up with the stuff they do. do they just wake up one morning and think, “of course, that’s it! ELSEWHERE HELD AND LINGERED!”

naman, title pa lang patay na ako.

anyway. i am not loving how the IT of this company is cracking down on every known social networking thing on the planet. don’t they know that this newspaper’s content is best circulated and referred to other people through those avenues? just a thought.

sometimes i just want to smoke. like, get out and smoke. like, zone out and smoke.

but of course i won’t. i didn’t take myself through nine months to give up now, eh.

and oh. did you see that front page photograph on sunday? sweet. and i thought my debut would be related to a sort of crime.

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Thursday, July 24th, 2008

times like these, i wish i could:

  • smoke.
  • revert to stress tabs.
  • or both.

as you may have already figured out by now, i have a very addictive personality. that is, i seem to always have to have something to be addicted to, in, with — just something. (and you know it’s not prepositions.)

it’s just that… it’s too tiring to have to get through stressful days without nicotine. or rice. or nicotine AND rice. but mostly just nicotine. sometimes really i just don’t get it. the last time things were horrible, like, hair-tearing horrible, like, where is the rest of my time-horrible, it definitely wasn’t within the past five months. therefore, the smoking was still there.

but i’ve taken myself through 134 days. hay. i admit, having quit smoking thus far has somewhat boosted my confidence — of the “i can quit smoking = i can do anything!”-variety.

but sometimes you feel like you just have to hit someone, i guess. or kick something really hard. or run until something starts hurting. just something.

i feel like i haven’t been doing anything else other than work these days. it’s not like i don’t have time for myself - wait, scratch that, because can you actually count sleeping and staring into space whenever i’m not as work as ‘time for myself’? this is just not me. i can’t even write anymore. the thing is, i live two blocks away. if you’re going to say something like it’s impossible that i don’t have time, i’d say the same thing — this is utterly impossible.

but the thing is this - it’s 10 p.m., an hour past my usual off, and i’d just finished half of what i’m supposed to do for SIM. i’m off my game, i’m taking too long. and i am actually worried i’d have to be here for monday’s SONA. i miss futsal. and my good eyesight. and having time to write fiction.

i miss going home late — but not because of work. i miss beer until morning and my wayward ways, to a degree. hah. videoke na nga lang.

i go soft in septembers

Monday, September 3rd, 2007

earlier this year, i wrote something about a movie called loving annabelle, a film about this student and this teacher and this affair.

yesterday, a totally petix, domestic sunday, i tried re-watching the whole thing while waiting for my laundry to dry. i got as far as this scene where simone reviews photographs of amanda before getting a little emo (hahah if this were test 1 i think i kind of failed it.) and so skipping to the bonus features section, i found this image. *points to header*

standard disclaimer: header image features erin kelly and diane gaidry as annabelle tillman and simone bradley. the movie is by katherine brooks.

hello rilke, hello photoshop. hello september, i am ready for you.

gaps and disconnects

Sunday, July 1st, 2007

I’ve been out of sorts these past few days, a bit too unwell to properly function. Unserviceable by virtue of illness I must have gotten while at Fete de la Musique the other weekend in Malate. This is my body turning against itself, to borrow liberally from Winterson.

But really, the light drizzle that night was not entirely at fault – I had this coming, and I hadn’t been sick in a long while. This was my body waiting to implode – too many late nights spent planning surprises and goodbyes, mostly. Too much nicotine and beer but too little sleep.

Let it be known that I blame this entry on the full moon.


no blood, no foul

Thursday, June 21st, 2007

i just wanna be on the beach (sunburn!)

Thursday, May 17th, 2007
samblock wooo
[sunburnt, but alive]
one day i’ll get my groove back.

the art of lucid dreaming

Thursday, May 3rd, 2007

as if to underline the fact that the elections are drawing ever so near, here we go again with the lack of updatage.

and so here i come with a brief bulletin of what has been happening:

♥ been to the beach twice in three days — laiyeaaah and saria-yeaaaah (that’s what multiply is for, so go check it out)

♥ bangs are evil — yes they are spidey!

♥ oh blake.

♥ oh addison.

so. um. will be more coherent next time. i promise there will be pictures.

imaginary beauty queens

Wednesday, April 18th, 2007

potential miss universe question #471906:

if you were a pizza, what toppings would you have and why?

first of all / that’s a very good question. (giggle) (applause)

anyway / if world peace / could only be a topping / then i would like to have / world peace / as a topping / to the pizza / of me. / thank you!

(bringing the house down)

wala pang beer yan. AWARRRRRRRRRRD.

a hiatus

Friday, March 30th, 2007

i remember how i used to lose sleep on the eve of a family outing — the feeling of that irresistible childlike anticipation is utterly glorious. sometimes, all it takes is a whiff of coppertone off someone standing beside me on the metro train, and i’m back to being this ten-year-old who’s trying SO HARD to get some shuteye, only to end up awake all that while anyway. i remember how, just for that time, the sound of utensils in the kitchen at 4 a.m. sounded so welcome, because it meant FINALLY: food and sun and water and CHLORINE. (hahaha freak)

anyway. i’ll be away from here until friday. for a much needed recollection of self and reunion with family. hopefully i’ll be back with loads of (not so incriminating) photographs and sabaw conversations with siblings. and a tanline. *g*

so i leave you with a very summer-y song:

camera shy by the lucksmiths :: Here’s me in 1981 / Squinting into a sinking sun / Ankle-deep in the Pacific / In the foreground are my friends / Grinning madly at the lens / They look heliolithic

Again in 1993 / A Polaroid you took of me / In a long-forgotten loungeroom / A hand outstretched before my face / The nervous smile, the downcast gaze / I didn’t know myself around you

You seem surprised / And I see why: / You just realised I’m camera shy

So if it’s not too much to ask / Let’s just let the moment pass / I have no wish to be reminded / Of just how awkward I can be / Please don’t point that thing at me / Your eyes are widening behind it

You seem surprised / And I see why: / You just realised I’m camera shy

Have a blessed Holy Week everyone! :)

an actual conversation

Monday, March 26th, 2007

characters in convo: a 10-year-old kid and his 22-year-old sister.
topic: On massage parlors, etc. (conversation rated G. as in gago.)